(Letter from an apologist in the postmodern age)

D R A F T

Dear Sir or Madam,

Please forgive this intrusion. I feel the need to explain my actions so that you don’t get the wrong impression.

I am of a generation which apologises. I was raised in a country that sniffs at self-promotion. I am a woman drawn to privacy-settings.  Together, these circumstances make publicising my website a near impossible task. Nonetheless, if you still decide to take a look at funnypearls.com, please allow me to apologise in advance for the following:

My co-editor and I write some of the pieces ourselves. Rest assured we only started doing so because we couldn’t ask people to contribute to a blank page. We also wanted to indicate what style we were looking for in submissions. I deeply regret that – as a result of our posting in-house material – the site might give the appearance of being a vanity platform for our own scribbles. Nothing could be further from the truth. As soon as we get enough flow of submissions, we’ll certainly stop filling up cyberspace with our own words.

Also, I must apologise for the headshots. I realise that posting pictures of ourselves could give the impression that we think we’re good-looking. (I sense you’re wondering if the images have been altered? Photoshopped? Filtered? It is true that we’ve added a little contrast and exposure here and there. That’s my department and my fellow editor did once ask what we should do were we ever to meet our cyber friends in real life. I said we’d probably just have to talk to them on the phone).

The images on funnypearls.com were only added because I know from research that users want to see human faces on websites. (NOTE to MJ/PH: Do double-check spelling of ‘faces’. A certain typo here would be most unfortunate and necessitate follow-up apology letter).

In short, Sir/Madam, by using our own photos we save cumbersome paperwork by eliminating the need for release forms. We also avoid having to pay for stock photos.

On the subject of money, I can confirm that we receive absolutely no income from the site. Funnypearls.com is a non-profit venture, an altruistic enterprise created out of the desire to encourage more women to explore their humorous side. We see so much excellent, serious writing by women. But women are also funny and it’s important we don’t’ forget that side of ourselves.

Finally, I ask you to forgive the trumpet emojis I add on social media when publicising our own pieces or short stories. I use these only to show that I’m sheepish about promoting own material. I think I am now apologising for apologising. Sorry about that.

Yours faithfully,

Mette Jolly