Peter and Jane – what a pair,
With their spotless clothes and shiny hair,
Jane and Peter, sister and brother,
With a dashing father and a gorgeous mother.
Peter builds toys using wood and metal,
Jane tidies up and puts on the kettle,
“Come!” Peter calls, “Jane, look at me!”
Jane, with a smile, skips off to make tea.
Peter builds a go-kart two feet wide,
The family beam at his obvious pride,
“Look Jane, look how strong I am!”
Peter’s on track to be a proper man.
Dad looks on approvingly,
Jane walks off and makes more tea.
“Help me Jane, go on sis.”
“I’d love to Peter, but I’ll give it a miss,
Building that kart looks so much fun,
But there are jobs to do – I promised Mum.”
“Jane? Use the hammer? I don’t think so Peter,”
Mum pats Jane’s hair, making it neater.
“Hold the hammer?” Dad cries, “Not my daughter!”
Jane trudges back to the cups and the saucers.
Secretly, Peter envies his sister,
His hands are bruised and covered in blisters,
But he knuckles down like a proper lad,
The last thing he needs is to disappoint Dad.
Some years pass and the kids are grown,
Peter and Jane both leave home,
Mum and Dad plan a well-earned rest,
Their perfect children have flown the nest.
They treat themselves to only the best,
Organic free range chicken breast,
Cranberry juice, freshly pressed,
Avoiding flare-ups of IBS,
They count themselves as truly blessed,
Viscount biscuits, the Daily Express.
Pete buys a house, (couldn’t build one),
Marries Lyn and has two children,
Max plays footie, Chloe loves ballet,
They spend their summers in a Parkdean chalet.
Jane goes West and opens a caff,
A small affair with a skeleton staff,
They cater for every allergy,
But they don’t cook meat, and they never serve tea.
From time to time, Pete pops in,
On Mum and Dad, with the kids, not Lyn.
The shed wants fixing, Dad needs a start,
Pete finds the hammer with a heavy heart.
In truth he’s shit at DIY,
Grabs an excuse when the kids start to cry.
Dad blames himself, his dreams destroyed,
After all that training he gave that boy,
How’s he turned out to be this poor,
At using the hammer, the drill and the saw?
Jane visits too, on the train from Wales,
Her clothes are vintage, her hair, rats’ tails,
There’s little in her luggage – not much space,
But she brings seeded buns from her vegan place.
Mum welcomes Jane, but thinks with despair,
“When did she last put a brush through that hair?”
Jane warms the buns, sets the oven timer,
Serves them up on the Denby china,
Mum bravely munches on the bread with seeds,
Rolling her eyes at Jane’s festival beads.
Then Mum says, “How about a pot of tea?”
Jane looks at the time and gasps, “Goodness me!
It’s far too late for a cup of PG.”
‘Coz those little bags with their dried up leaves,
Make Jane retch and cause her to heave.
Tetley, Red Label, Yorkshire Gold,
Every brand available leaves Jane cold.
Twinings, Teapigs, a cup of Typhoo,
Nothing will persuade her to make a brew.
Hints are dropped, straight after supper,
But Jane stands firm and won’t make a cuppa.
Mum and Dad take a cruise round the Med,
Dad gives up on fixing the shed.
They die one morning, together, in bed.
“A blessing,” is what some neighbours said,
“Died together you say?” Others thought the worst,
Jane feels guilty – did they die of thirst?
Jane and Peter came together on the funeral day,
Friends to thank, respects to pay,
Their parents’ dreams were not to be,
But Peter wrote the eulogy, and Jane made the tea.
Sarah is a former primary teacher and mathematics subject leader. She now works as a gardener. Sarah published her first children’s book ‘101’ in September 2024. ‘101’ is written in rhyme, and is based on the true story of the young Carl Gauss who solved a complex maths problem while still at primary school. Two other books are in the pipeline – the next one will be published in May 2025. Sarah started writing poems in 2024. She performs at open mics in and around Thanet. Her poems are about human nature and popular culture, so there is an endless supply of material out there.
Illustration via Unsplash.