5 March 1986
Dear Aunty Sarah,
Ma told me to write and tell you thanks for the tenner you sent for my birthday. I was supposed to tell you what I bought, but sure didn’t she put it into her purse for “safe keeping” and I never saw it again. Apparently, I put it towards my new school jumper. So just warning you in advance, any more you’d better give it on the sly. And in person. And while we’re on the subject I think I’ll need twenty next time. You see I really really really want Mr Flex. You know that fella you can stretch and stretch, really long like? The one who was on the Toy Show last Christmas? Yeah him. But he’s £10.99 and no way Ma will give me that. I also sort of told Barry Smith from next door that I was getting one and now he thinks I’m a liar.
Please help.
Ben
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12 March 1986
Dear Ben,
Thank you for your letter and I’m sorry Mammy didn’t let you keep the tenner. Now you know as well as I do that my life wouldn’t be worth living if I slipped you money on the sly, and sure your Mam has eyes at the back of her head so we’d never get away with it anyway. I went into Byrne’s Toys down the town yesterday to see if he had Mr Flex. He hadn’t a clue what I was talking about, but said he could try to order one in from the Big Smoke if you’d like?
Now promise me you’ll be good to your Mam and help out with the wee ones when you can. Especially Jimmy Junior, his terrible two’s devilment is driving her demented.
Hugs and big kisses,
Aunty Sarah xxx
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27 March 1986
Dear Aunty Sarah,
Ma found my letter, stuck on your fridge she says. Now I’m grounded and Barry Smith has started playing with bloody Frank Kelly from No. 2. I got detention today cause I told Barry to “go and shite” when he told me his Nan got him Mr Flex. But he wasn’t lying cause I can see him and Frank out on the green stretching the bejaysus out of him right now. Don’t bother getting Byrne’s to order it in, cause there’s no way in hell I’m stretching it with that eejit next door now.
Please don’t put this on your fridge,
Ben
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2 April 1986
Dear Ben,
Ah sorry about the fridge pet. Sure your Mam had it in her fuming fingers before I even remembered it was there. On the plus side, Sandra from work says her young lad Joe (do ya remember him from Nana’s 80th, the one with the mad mop of ginger curls who got Jessica’s chubby crayon stuck up his nose?) has abandoned his Mr Flex in their raspberry bush in the back garden. It’s sitting there since February midterm and she’s sick of the sight of him, so you’re welcome to him if you’d like? One of his arms has stretched too far and is a bit banjaxed, but other than that he is supposed to work perfectly.
Will you ask your Mammy to give us a quick ring, I haven’t heard from her in ages?
Good Man,
Love Aunty Sarah xxx
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17 April 1986
Dear Aunty Sarah,
Frank called me a fag today. We were practising The Leg Drop on Ma’s bed when I accidentally touched his arse. I busted his nose and blood sprayed all over the pillow, on Da’s side. I tried to clean it with a baby wipe but that just spread it around all over the place. It’s starting to turn brown now. Maybe I can blame it on a Jimmy Junior leakage? Mrs Kelly was around after, knocking the crap out of the front door. Screaming through the letterbox. Thank Jesus Ma was still at work. Trust Frank to be a Mammy’s boy. Oh and don’t be bothering with Mr Flex, no one gives a shite about him now, but if you see any slap wraps, will you send us a few? But not the blue ones, everyone has those.
Ben
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23 April 1986
Dear Ben,
Now you know you shouldn’t be letting anyone into the house when your Mam’s at work. Does she know? Maybe you’d better go and apologise to Frank and Mrs Kelly. I was hoping to call up this weekend, but O’Sullivan has me going to Dublin to research how to make the shop window look all fancy and posh. I don’t know why he’s sending me, he must have forgotten about the permanent marker moustache we put on the school-uniformed mannequin last August. Ha, do you remember that?
Byrne’s Toys have slap wraps all right, but just the blue ones. He said he’s getting a shipment of luminous pink ones all the way from France (ooh la la) if you’d fancy one of those?
Let me know, chicken,
Love Aunty Sarah xxx
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27 April 1986
Dear Aunty Sarah,
Da still hasn’t called. We haven’t seen him in three weeks. I don’t know what to do for my school project on the Egyptians now. Da was helping me with my sugar cube pyramid. We were going to spray it gold. But sure I haven’t got enough cubes to finish the job and I don’t know how Da got them to stick and Jenny nicked all the gold spray paint to make her costume for Nina Burke’s fancy dress party. She wanted to be a golden ticket, but sure she only had enough spray for one arm. Now she looks like a tool.
Ben
Ps, Ma forgot our dinner today! So we got to stuff our face with the visitors’ biscuits. Can ya believe it? Maybe Ma doesn’t have eyes at the back of her head after all.
Pps, did you get the slap wraps yet?
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3 May 1986
Dear Ben,
Will you tell your Mammy that I’m calling up next week? I keep ringing but she hasn’t called me back. I was hoping I’d get up to ye a little earlier, but O’Sullivan has me working night and day to get the shop window ready for the May Day Parade on Monday. He wants me to put a veil on the head of Mannequin number 1, on account of it being Our Lady’s day. I told him there were no blue scarfs on heads in Dublin, just hot pink stilettos on feet. He’s in a huff with me now so I don’t think I’ll get down any earlier.
Don’t worry, I’ll help you with your project, I’ll bring supplies. Wait till you see, we’ll have the best project of the lot of them. I’ll bring plenty of spray too. Jenny can have the leftovers.
Phone me if you need me pet, and I’ll see you soon.
Big huge hugs and kisses,
Aunty Sarah xxx
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4 May 1986
Dear Aunty Sarah,
I keep getting in trouble for not getting my homework done, but sure I can’t get Ma out of the bed let alone get her to help me with my homework. Mrs O’Reilly says that if I don’t catch up over the weekend, I’m on detention. Again. Sometimes I go into Ma’s room with a mirror and hold it in front of her face. I saw that in Bananaman once. At least it’s still fogging up. But the biscuits are gone and I can’t figure out the oven. Can you microwave a pizza?
Ben
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4 May 1986
Dear Aunty Sarah,
An ambulance came to take Ma today. Two men carried her off the bed. They put her empty medicine boxes into a clear plastic bag. But she’s fine, they said, she just needs a rest, they said, a break, like Da. The Guardaí said you’re on the way too, so I don’t really know why I’m writing this? Mrs Kelly dropped over with a big lasagne. I hate lasagne, and Mrs Kelly put loads of onions in it. Big lumpy ones, Ma always cuts them small so you hardly even know they’re there. But I was so starving I ate the lot, chunky onions and all. She’s staying with us tonight, Mrs Kelly that is, and told us all to get up them stairs to bed or we’d all have red arses in the morning. But then she hugged me so tightly that my face got stuck to her boobs. Please hurry, so Mrs Kelly can go home.
Ben
Fíona Scarlett is from Dublin’s fair city but now living in Co. Kildare, Ireland with her husband and two children. Currently, she is completing an MLitt in creative writing from the University of Glasgow and working on her first novel ‘Someone Like You’, which explores the emotional effects of bereavement on a teenage boy. When she is not writing, she enjoys drinking buckets of tea, playing the piano and having the craic. You can find her on twitter at @Scarlett_for_ya , please pop by to say hello.
