B F Jones: Welcome to the PTA

Once again, we visit the school where we met the unfortunate Linton who – without success – tried to avoid a wall of TMI. This time, BF Jones reports
from inside the Parent-Teacher Association.



From: Lisa
To: Jo, Priya, Ben’s mum, Emma, Linton

Dear all,

Thank you for joining our PTA and a big WELCOME to you all!

My name is Lisa and I am your new PTA chair. I was elected by a whopping 9 out of 11 voters, and our school governor has also backed this vote 100%, calling my role ‘vital ‘to the life of the school and my dedication ‘inspiring’.

I thought I’d start by saying a few words about myself: I moved here from Hampshire at the end of last year. I am an immensely busy mum of 3 (2 children, 1 dog) and I also work 1 day a week looking after luxury properties of up to a fifth of a million pounds. I am very energetic and full of inspiring ideas and I hope you will be able to keep up the pace, haha! I am not afraid to speak my truth and some people have referred to me as a “strong personality”, but I have a kind heart and I am very forgiving.

I am around for coffee any day after the drop-off and have also organised a mandatory coffee morning for all of us on the 1st of every month and a drinks and games night at mine once every half term. Of course, I understand you might not be able to attend every one of those dates, but I know you will make the effort.

I am currently working on a list of all school events which I will email to you ASAP. School matters shouldn’t take you more than 4-6 hours work per week.

Our next coffee morning is scheduled for this Friday and I look forward to seeing you ALL there and then.

Lisa xxx

From: Lisa
To: Jo, Priya, Ben’s mum, Emma

Dear all,

It was lovely to meet most of you on Friday and to put names to faces. Unfortunately, Linton emailed me the day before saying he was no longer able to be part of the PTA due to “increased work commitments”. That’s men for you, right? Haha!

As promised, I have listed the various activities and events you will need to organise.

Regular events:

  • Bake sale: every Friday, you need to source enough cakes from school parents, prepare the stall and sell, sell, sell! Remember, no nuts!
  • Second hand uniform sale: every other Thursday at pick-up. The used uniforms must be washed, ironed, folded, sorted by size and sold, sold sold!
  • The big sort out: at the end of every month, go through the lost-and-found cupboard and sort, sort, sort!
  • Sports rota: every Wednesday, help the reception children to change into their PE kit. It’s a lot of fun as you get to meet all the little ones and, in Ben mum’s case (sorry love, what was your name again?), you get to see your own child! How adorbs!

Seasonal events:

  • Harvest: source and gather 600 tins of food, sort by type, box and dispatch to local food bank.
  • Christmas fair: transform the school into a beautiful magical experience. This is my favourite! We joined the school just before the event last year and I jumped right in to help organise it and it was a wonderful, wonderful event, the one that brought in by far the most money. Although there was an incident with the decorations. I will let you know about that over some wine at games night. Haha!
  • Easter egg hunt (info TBC)
  • Miles for piles: charity event taking part during the May bank holiday, so don’t you dare go anywhere, haha!
  • Summer fair (Alicia M runs this one and will email you separately)
  • Summer ball (info TBC)

The next bake sale is this Friday, so let’s see what you are all capable of!

I look forward to seeing all of you at games night in a couple of weeks.

Lisa xxx

B F Jones is French and lives in Surrey with her husband, 3 children and cat. She has had stories published in The Cabinet of Heed, Soft Cartel, Storgy, Bending Genres, The Fiction Pool, Spelk Fiction and Idle Ink. Twitter: @fijo_frenchie